A Big Shy-Girl Fail

In 2009, as a student at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, I tried out for the school worship teams. Now, this was a big deal.

I was scared to death, but I felt God wanted me to try out. I was one of about a hundred students who came that rainy night in Redding. No one knew what songs we would have to sing. We were on the big Bethel stage and worship leader Stephanie Gretzinger handed me sheet music to a song I had never heard. The music started and I gasped nothing into the mic. I was overwhelmingly embarrassed; felt old; felt dumb; felt small; felt uncool. I stepped off the stage past the judges and so many young, talented witnesses.

I still can’t believe I did that.

But here's the rest of the story. Since that failure, I've had to brave many new things. As a result of that and other trials and errors, I've come to know who I am and what I'm called to. I dream more dreams and embrace opportunities. I fear less. I create!

I changed that night I trusted God. My big fail had purpose.

So, I challenge you. What crazy risk are you afraid to take? Is it too big a price to pay to see your destiny unfold? (I pray right now this is speaking to someone.)

My book, Tapestry - The Divine Design For Your Life is available on Amazon. 

#19 of 30 Poems by Christine Tracy

 

The Soar Song

You are the wind in my hair

My breath, my air.

So sweet in song

So wonderful, strong.

I look to find

A dove, a bird

Beyond my vision

Outside my words.

Faith, how does it

Know the truth?

To touch what can't be;

To sense such love?

So I soar again

Abandoned, free;

Ever higher

Just you, with me.

Connected brother

Sweet as a friend

You in me

So large; no end.

Faith, how does it

Know the truth?

To touch what can't be

To sense such love?

When All is Stripped Away

It was 2009 and our lives and dreams had imploded in economic disaster. We lost our business, our home; and we felt ashamed and lost. 

Holding hands, Rick and I paused at the top of our driveway, turned around, then looked at the sweet, quiet, beauty of the place we called home for 30 years. So much life lived. So many laughs, giggles, and big dreams fulfilled. Here, we had built a home and a family with our own hands and hearts.

We prayed for the next tenants; blessed the land and the neighborhood; and thanked God for the amazing gift of being able to raise our family here. And then...we moved on.

That was 11 years ago. Though times were frantic, tumultuous, and seemingly hopeless, we entered our new lives with cautious hope; leaning on a glistening promise of a better tomorrow. Looking back, I now know we had an uncanny faith to move mountains.

How did we do that? It wasn't under our own power. We were devastated and hurt to the bone. But we felt called. And then we felt sent. We left our home to sit at the feet of Jesus for two years where we were healed and set free.

When others saw failure, horror, and doom, we saw and witnessed the promise and presence of a Father that loves us most; who cares for us; who fights for us.

 Sometimes things need to be stripped away so we can see what's true and real.

Here's a classic from Matt Redmon to quiet your spirit and bless you day. You're welcome!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Zp586pvZg

Walking Like Captain Jack Sparrow

Do you ever walk around and feel like Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)? Last night, moving around my kitchen, I walked a little crooked, felt a little tipsy - just like Jack.

Sometimes the truth of what we experience isn't quite what we actually experience. What we feel must look strange to others - others don't even notice.

For example:

We're doing the right thing, but it feels wrong. We're following the rules, but they seem strange. We say "yes" when we're really needing to say "no." We worry when we ought to hope. We doubt when we should be in faith. We're busy when we should be at rest. We're working when we should be playing. We're sad when everything is happy around us.

Oh how I wish my reality would match my inside truth. I want to focus, to say out loud what I mean, to not stumble, to feel like I am doing perfectly and perfectly doing.

But that is not my reality. I'm just me. God made me this way. I stumble. I fall. I forget. I see things differently. And that's ok. If I have to be like somebody, Captain Jack isn't so bad.  #learningtoloveme.

Let Billy Joel sing to you, friend. Pretend your Papa is singing over you! He loves us just the way we are! You are OK and you will be OK! (click)

"Reach Out!!!"

"Reach out!" the voice shouted and, startled, I woke up. I went to the kitchen where the clock on the stove read 3:33 a.m. I know from  past experience that this was a significant moment. God wanted to show me something.

His message was for me - in my insecurity as a person. This might be for you, too.

Are you someone who sometimes sings a different tune; marches to a different drum; dances to the off-beat; dreams a different dream? Me too.

I felt like God was telling us He loves who He has made us to be; and He's about to give us something huge to share with others in this time. We feel it. But sometimes it's crowded out by busy-ness or self doubt. 

This is why He shouted, "Reach out!" God is calling for us to reach for His hand and hold tight. He will bring us through as we keep stepping forward...and He will never let go.

I'm ready for the new adventure. Are you?

Isaiah 41:10 - Do not yield to fear, for I am always near.
Never turn your gaze from me, for I am your faithful God.
I will infuse you with my strength and help you in every situation.
I will hold you firmly with my victorious right hand. (The Passion Translation)

It's OK to Hope!

Daisy is hoping
for some
chicken!

Do you hope? I do. I hope and dream and plan and scheme. I make vision boards and dream lists, and I meet with others to encourage each other's dreams. What or who inspires your hopes and dreams? Hope and faith are sisters in the family of God. Faith keeps our dreams alive and brings them to reality. It's an amazing unseen law of the universe. We are somehow connected to God's ability to speak things into existence! What an honor. What a power!

Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen. Hebrews 11:1 (TPT)

"My Peace I Give to You"

Today I am feeling un-peaceful. It is all I can do to settle my spirit. I clean my living room, play with Duke, listen to some soft music, talk to a friend...but still...

Then I remember a special verse. One that has life in it. One that speaks truth to me. One that says "I am real; I am truth; I know..."

"My peace I give to you," it says. It comes from the only one strong enough and able enough to grant that peace. 

I will take it. I will take it. Thank you.

John 14:27 - "I leave the gift of peace with you - my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don't yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts - instead - be courageous!" (The Passion Translation)

"I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God. Full of faith. I am a child of God." (From song No Longer Slaves" by Jonathan David and Melissa Helzer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8TkUMJtK5k

Faith = Empowerment!

This little cosmos has faith it
can still bloom in winter!

Rather than empowering the devil by believing his lies that make us fearful and anxious...let's determine to instead have hope, faith, and trust in our good God whose power far exceeds anything the puny enemy can wield.

Today - we tell fear to go and we intentionally, with faith, go after all that is in our heart to be and to do! Be empowered!

And without faith living within us it would be impossible to please God. For we come to God in faith knowing that he is real and that he rewards the faith of those who truly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 - The Passion Translation)